So I'm making my final exit two nights ago as Malvolio. It is for him (in my humble conceptualizaton of the role) a turning point, a defining moment. He has been, finally, betrayed by everyone....."Sir Toby and the lighter people", by the woman he thinks he loves (Olivia), and even by Feste, whom he believes, against all odds and good reason, has come to his aid in freeing him from the prison imposed by Toby. And worse than that, it is Maria rather than himself that has married out of the working class and into the power of the aristocracy.....his own long held dream. Worse than all that, he has been made into a laughing stock within his entire world, both upstairs and down.
What does he do? For me at least, the text suggests he fails to "get it", the why of what has happened to him. Instead, he hurls the now useless letter from "Olivia" to the ground, and spits out his revenge to the whole company "I'll be revenged!!!", and then to the audience themselves on all four sides of our arena staged production "....On the whole pack of you!!!"; he strides up the vom (stairs leading to the Lobby in this instance) and out of the theatre, having learned exactly nothing, Puritan-like in his dogmatic obstinacy to the end.
Except here's where it gets interesting. Instead of striding out up the stairs, desperate to maintain some shred of dignity and decorum, I played, as I occasionally do, more of the heat of the moment, and rushed the stairs, angry and desperate only to get out and away from them all. Unfortunately, the front of the rubber sole on my right shoe had come loose, caught the edge of the top step, and....well, you know where this is going.....down. I landed hard on my right knee, jamming it back up into my hip socket (apparently....this isn't that student doctor's blog); genuine pain, and for that matter, genuine humiliation. What I won't sacrifice for my art.
So the next day, I had to figure out how to do the role with a limp, and without the ability to work some very specific blocking on my knees. And here's where it gets interesting (finally, I promise). I perform the role that night, and because of the limitations imposed by my new injury, it gets better, and I have what feels at least like the best show I've had in weeks.
All right, so the actors among you are saying, "Well, of course, what did you expect? The whole show probably felt fresh and different, because it actually was. New choices, assuming they work on at least some level, are always going to seem sexier than what you've been performing for onto three months now! Doesn't necesarily make them "better" choices". Yes and no, but alright, point taken. I think it's a little more complicated than that; this kind of event resonates on deeper levels.
As an actor, we spend an awful lot of rehearsal time trying to get it right, whatever the hell that means. As a young actor if my craft suffered from any identifiable problem it was my need to set things in stone, to seek some kind of nearly attainable perhaps perfection, or my best shot equivalent, and then repeat it as perfectly as possible every night. That was for me the point. So at some stage hopefully you wake up to the absurdity of that particular quest, and learn to be flexible in what it is we do. And here again, clearly the idea isn't so much about trying to get "it" right, as it is trying to get it all right tonight. For a (somewhat) anal compulsive like myself, there is great value in being reminded of that.
But more than the straightforward point about craft, there is something else out there around the edges of the event that I can't easily articulate, but seems important somehow, like a scent that surprises you, deeply familiar in an unfamiliar place. Perhaps it is simply this; that change, expected or, as in this case, sudden and painful, is constant. And opening up to that idea is like breathing deeply......because sometimes, change turns out to be for the good.
Maybe the point is, or becomes, to practice the habit of unclenching for awhile......to see where the change might take us. Now there's a radical thought, at least for someone raised by slightly fanatical shanty NY Irish Catholics (if your not suffering or, alternately, drunk, what is the point?). Somewhere in the background, floating over the sound of the temple bells, we hear the mantra "...beter actor, better person, better actor....".
Of course, next time I think I'll just get the damn shoe fixed.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Return Engagements.....Part 2
So..............What has it been like being back here for the past 4 months, you ask?
Lonely, strange, enjoyable, frustrating, enlightening, boring, depressing and instructive.
First of all, after nine and a half years of not just living together but working together as well, basically being in each other's company 24/7, being separated from the wife has been hard, harder than expected. We will celebrate our twentieth anniversary this November (cue trumpets and much champagne), and we've been together as a couple for twenty three, and so, as actors, we've gone through periods of separation before, and became accustomed to those breaks away from one another. The singular truth is that sometimes those breaks were as instrumental to our still being together as anything else. But this one has felt different, almost like we've forgotten how to do the whole separation thing, period. Yes, the circumstances are different; it's a much longer gig than usual, we haven't been apart very much recently, we've just gone through the stress of moving to a new city (and after helping us get settled for a month, I slipped out the door back to the familiarity of this job while she was left having to jump back on the audition-straight job bus), etc. But whatever the rationalizations in trying to understand it, the only thing that really matters is the feeling itself........I'm just lonely. I miss her.
Strange. Yes, it's been strange being back here in a season that has encompassed so much change. Working at this theatre in the past meant that you could assume certain core values in it's daily operation (I know whereof I speak here because I was also part of an elaborately painstaking process-by-committee that struggled to establish these kind of things, toward the goal of deciding on our, God help us, Mission Statement.....which we never did finish. The Managing Director was fired before a final draft made it to the table). The three core vlaues that always found on everyones' list were: Shakespeare, repertory theatre, and resident company. So let's see here.......The first thing the new artistic director did last Aug. was to disband the resident company; and in fact, this season's schedule has required that he create two, almost completely separate companies of actors to do the four shows currently in rep. And next season ('06-'07), it will be separated even further; the three shakespeare plays that will constitute some version of the Henry VI cycle and RIII will perform in rep in the Octagon, the smaller space, with a single company of players for just those shows. And speaking of rep, we've gone this year from performing six shows in a true rep schedule to four (not counting the bringing in of Anne Bogart's Midsummer company for a month), and next season as I say, only the Shakespeares in the 200-odd seat theatre will be performed in some form of rep. In the larger Festival theatre he has programed a more traditional (to be kind) series of plays to be performed in a standard "stock" or Lort schedule...rehearse for four weeks and perform for four, and then your done, those actors go back to NY (or Atlanta or wherever he's cast from in an attempt to save the costs of hiring Equity actors). So to recap then, resident company gone for good and scheduling changes dictating how actors work together, or not. Rep as a way of presenting theatre abreviated, at best. And their commitment to performing the plays of Shakespeare? Rather than three this year, one in house production (not counting Bogart and allowing for Trojan Women as a "classical" choice in their sted). Next year an ambitious project of performing the "War of the Roses" plays, albeit in abreviated form and restricted to the Octagon, where the stage is to be re-done to approximate the dimensions and character of the elizabethan Rose Theatre. That sounds exciting. My fear would be that if this clearly dificult-to-sell project here in Montgomery doesn't do well at the box office, is that grounds for the further abreviation of that commitment to producing the works of Shakespeare?
So yeah, it's been plenty strange being here and watching all of these changes get put into place. Perhaps after two or three years the adjustments will prove to have been largely successful, and this institution will flourish. Certainly it has been the mandate of the Board and this new artistic administration to make the changes it deemed necessary to revitalize the organization and it's place in this community. It's just not how I would have gone about it, so yes, it's been hard to watch and keep any kind of objectivity about it all. But that's life in the theatre (for all of you out there interested in what I would have done, let me know and I'll bore you in great detail). I guess that goes right to the heart of the matter. It's been strange being here not so much because I was fired and then re-hired, but because I have no faith in the efficacy of the ongoing changes he has instituted this season. I don't think he or his wife (the director of Trojan Women and major fan of Anne Bogart's work) or the people he has brought with him from his last job have any real understanding or appreciation for what it means to live in the South. I don't think they get it, and I don't think they particularly care to "get it". There is a kind of hubris in that admin hallway now that I think is going to be damaging to the organization long term. And that saddens me deeply, because the place was a very good home to me creatively for almost ten years, I still have many good friends who work here and believe in the place, and I hate to see that wasted. Vision is a tricky thing, but I don't think it's possible with out some degree of self-awareness and perhaps even humility. Right now, I don't see that happening at this institution.
So.........what about "enjoyable, frustrating, enlightening, boring, depressing, and instructive"?? Truth is everything I've discussed at too much length above holds the other elements in context. Working on Twelfth Night turned out to be mostly a joy; a strong ensemble, and ably directed. And whatever frustrations and other difficulties I've faced here over the past four plus months have been directly attributable to feeling a bit lost living back down here alone, at a place that once held real promise for me, but that has since turned into, well, just another job. I've learned a tremendous amount working on Malvolio, mostly about myself as an actor and the value of long runs, how I have worked in the past and the changes I want to instill in my craft in the future.....and that has been both instructive and perhaps even a little enlightening. Figuring out the "how" of what it is I do better, goes a long way toward explaining the "why" of it, the reason why I still want to act, why it's still important to me. And that has been a genuine gift.
And that, as they say, is that. Someone asked me the other day if I would consider coming back next year if asked......I know this business well enough to say "never say never" (and if I don't get the weeks worked I need to qualify again for my health insurance, my heart meds go up to $700 p/mo. instead of $100), but it feels like this is a wrap. Time to move on. I think this is the last entry for Return Engagements............
Lonely, strange, enjoyable, frustrating, enlightening, boring, depressing and instructive.
First of all, after nine and a half years of not just living together but working together as well, basically being in each other's company 24/7, being separated from the wife has been hard, harder than expected. We will celebrate our twentieth anniversary this November (cue trumpets and much champagne), and we've been together as a couple for twenty three, and so, as actors, we've gone through periods of separation before, and became accustomed to those breaks away from one another. The singular truth is that sometimes those breaks were as instrumental to our still being together as anything else. But this one has felt different, almost like we've forgotten how to do the whole separation thing, period. Yes, the circumstances are different; it's a much longer gig than usual, we haven't been apart very much recently, we've just gone through the stress of moving to a new city (and after helping us get settled for a month, I slipped out the door back to the familiarity of this job while she was left having to jump back on the audition-straight job bus), etc. But whatever the rationalizations in trying to understand it, the only thing that really matters is the feeling itself........I'm just lonely. I miss her.
Strange. Yes, it's been strange being back here in a season that has encompassed so much change. Working at this theatre in the past meant that you could assume certain core values in it's daily operation (I know whereof I speak here because I was also part of an elaborately painstaking process-by-committee that struggled to establish these kind of things, toward the goal of deciding on our, God help us, Mission Statement.....which we never did finish. The Managing Director was fired before a final draft made it to the table). The three core vlaues that always found on everyones' list were: Shakespeare, repertory theatre, and resident company. So let's see here.......The first thing the new artistic director did last Aug. was to disband the resident company; and in fact, this season's schedule has required that he create two, almost completely separate companies of actors to do the four shows currently in rep. And next season ('06-'07), it will be separated even further; the three shakespeare plays that will constitute some version of the Henry VI cycle and RIII will perform in rep in the Octagon, the smaller space, with a single company of players for just those shows. And speaking of rep, we've gone this year from performing six shows in a true rep schedule to four (not counting the bringing in of Anne Bogart's Midsummer company for a month), and next season as I say, only the Shakespeares in the 200-odd seat theatre will be performed in some form of rep. In the larger Festival theatre he has programed a more traditional (to be kind) series of plays to be performed in a standard "stock" or Lort schedule...rehearse for four weeks and perform for four, and then your done, those actors go back to NY (or Atlanta or wherever he's cast from in an attempt to save the costs of hiring Equity actors). So to recap then, resident company gone for good and scheduling changes dictating how actors work together, or not. Rep as a way of presenting theatre abreviated, at best. And their commitment to performing the plays of Shakespeare? Rather than three this year, one in house production (not counting Bogart and allowing for Trojan Women as a "classical" choice in their sted). Next year an ambitious project of performing the "War of the Roses" plays, albeit in abreviated form and restricted to the Octagon, where the stage is to be re-done to approximate the dimensions and character of the elizabethan Rose Theatre. That sounds exciting. My fear would be that if this clearly dificult-to-sell project here in Montgomery doesn't do well at the box office, is that grounds for the further abreviation of that commitment to producing the works of Shakespeare?
So yeah, it's been plenty strange being here and watching all of these changes get put into place. Perhaps after two or three years the adjustments will prove to have been largely successful, and this institution will flourish. Certainly it has been the mandate of the Board and this new artistic administration to make the changes it deemed necessary to revitalize the organization and it's place in this community. It's just not how I would have gone about it, so yes, it's been hard to watch and keep any kind of objectivity about it all. But that's life in the theatre (for all of you out there interested in what I would have done, let me know and I'll bore you in great detail). I guess that goes right to the heart of the matter. It's been strange being here not so much because I was fired and then re-hired, but because I have no faith in the efficacy of the ongoing changes he has instituted this season. I don't think he or his wife (the director of Trojan Women and major fan of Anne Bogart's work) or the people he has brought with him from his last job have any real understanding or appreciation for what it means to live in the South. I don't think they get it, and I don't think they particularly care to "get it". There is a kind of hubris in that admin hallway now that I think is going to be damaging to the organization long term. And that saddens me deeply, because the place was a very good home to me creatively for almost ten years, I still have many good friends who work here and believe in the place, and I hate to see that wasted. Vision is a tricky thing, but I don't think it's possible with out some degree of self-awareness and perhaps even humility. Right now, I don't see that happening at this institution.
So.........what about "enjoyable, frustrating, enlightening, boring, depressing, and instructive"?? Truth is everything I've discussed at too much length above holds the other elements in context. Working on Twelfth Night turned out to be mostly a joy; a strong ensemble, and ably directed. And whatever frustrations and other difficulties I've faced here over the past four plus months have been directly attributable to feeling a bit lost living back down here alone, at a place that once held real promise for me, but that has since turned into, well, just another job. I've learned a tremendous amount working on Malvolio, mostly about myself as an actor and the value of long runs, how I have worked in the past and the changes I want to instill in my craft in the future.....and that has been both instructive and perhaps even a little enlightening. Figuring out the "how" of what it is I do better, goes a long way toward explaining the "why" of it, the reason why I still want to act, why it's still important to me. And that has been a genuine gift.
And that, as they say, is that. Someone asked me the other day if I would consider coming back next year if asked......I know this business well enough to say "never say never" (and if I don't get the weeks worked I need to qualify again for my health insurance, my heart meds go up to $700 p/mo. instead of $100), but it feels like this is a wrap. Time to move on. I think this is the last entry for Return Engagements............
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Return Engagement, Part 1A....
Well, after an absense of roughly six months, I thought I'd come back, spruce up the ol' blog a bit (new name, a quote from Malvolio's letter speech in Twelfth Night.....the alternative was Bend Over Shakespeare. I think the quote does a better job than the original of capturing the idea behind the blog.....the full line is Olivia's supposed admonition to, among other things, "put thyself into the trick of singularity", every actor's goal and dilemma of somehow making oneself unique within the field by being specifically, and simply, who one intrinsically is). And before going on in any depth, just highlight some newsie kind of details.
We accomplished the move in two parts up to Philadelphia, and found a terrific place to live in a neighborhood called West Mt. Airy. Sonja, the wife, is up there now, back in the audition loop in NY and increasingly in Philly. She's found gainfull employment walking dogs with a pet sitting service and working with an attorney helping him rent his many properties to Temple Univ. students. Our dog Mac (short for the MacCallen, now the 14 year old kind) and orange tabby Spenser (yes, with an "s") are up in PA with her and flourishing. I am down here in the Deep South with my charmingly neurotic, epileptic white terrier mix Bea Lillie, still at the same Shakespeare Festival. Having accepted the job mentioned in the last entry, I've enjoyed greatly doing Malvolio in Twelfth Night, and the Barber in La Mancha has been OK....wonderful to be singing and great fun to perform, though the production itself is sort of hollow at the core. So it's turned out to be a positive experience and a good decision, however frustrating in the day to day details (more on that soon).
So there's the quick update.....I'll fill in more details as I post in the coming days and weeks. Thanks to those that have stayed in touch, and more to come later.
We accomplished the move in two parts up to Philadelphia, and found a terrific place to live in a neighborhood called West Mt. Airy. Sonja, the wife, is up there now, back in the audition loop in NY and increasingly in Philly. She's found gainfull employment walking dogs with a pet sitting service and working with an attorney helping him rent his many properties to Temple Univ. students. Our dog Mac (short for the MacCallen, now the 14 year old kind) and orange tabby Spenser (yes, with an "s") are up in PA with her and flourishing. I am down here in the Deep South with my charmingly neurotic, epileptic white terrier mix Bea Lillie, still at the same Shakespeare Festival. Having accepted the job mentioned in the last entry, I've enjoyed greatly doing Malvolio in Twelfth Night, and the Barber in La Mancha has been OK....wonderful to be singing and great fun to perform, though the production itself is sort of hollow at the core. So it's turned out to be a positive experience and a good decision, however frustrating in the day to day details (more on that soon).
So there's the quick update.....I'll fill in more details as I post in the coming days and weeks. Thanks to those that have stayed in touch, and more to come later.
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